MY THEORY ON HAPPINESS

I was privileged to be among three intellectuals of recent at a Hotel in Akure; one of Africa’s foremost music producer J.sleek  (Producer for Tuface, Wizkid et al), Principal partner of Nigeria’s biggest Red carpet outfit Corporate Swaggz Inc. (CSI) Barrister Toyosi Ayeleso (Esq)  and Mr Demola , a good friend who also happens to be a lecturer of Biology at Federal University of Technology Akure. While we brainstormed on a lot of issues over a few drinks, a topic came up, and it bordered on happiness. We talked at length about the world we live in and how it helps or doesn’t help one in being happy. 

I discovered for each person seated, we all had different things that stirred joy and fulfillment in us. I however raised an objection; is it not possible at some point that we don’t get excited about what gives us joy anymore, at least we all know about the “law of diminishing return”. The curve could start to go downwards at some point, and we slip into depression and start to look for something else to gain happiness from. I was however sent crashing back to earth with my observations by my lecturer friend who is also working on a study about human happiness, when he said if what you thought was giving happiness could not on the long run maintain your joy, then in the first place, you were only deriving satisfaction from it and not true happiness, I was stunned with that statement, and it opened a new train of thoughts in me.

            I started to see there was a clear difference between being satisfied and having happiness. They are miles and worlds apart. A lot of us are however yet to decipher what makes us happy as we are satisfied and think we are happy. The truth remains that majority of what we tend to gain “happiness” from are material things ( bank account, our smartphones, cars, net worth). 

These things only give satisfaction, at a point, you get fed up with the kind of car you use, you want a latest model, your bank balance no longer appeals to you, there is a craving to increase it, the look of your house, no longer looks fashionable, compared to that of your friend’s, there is an innate urge to renovate, something is common to satisfying our desires, it more or less looks like we are in some kind of race( well, that’s what we are made to believe that life is a rat race), and over time when we are unable to satisfy that desire, maybe for some reasons, a kind of depression or sorrow sets in. have we ever sat down to think of this? Satisfaction can be stolen, but true joy and happiness can never and would never be stolen. When our so called “source of happiness” (material wealth) is stolen or we get swindled, we immediately feel a vacuum inside us that throws in into a pit of deep sorrow. True source of happiness most of the times comes from things we cannot see. 

            Ask the volunteers for rural evangelism, ask the girl child advocates, ask the individuals who derive joy from putting smiles on the faces of people who have been on the harsh side of life. They would tell you that inner joy that is beyond words, beyond description, that joy that makes you shed uncontrollable tears. This happiness gives you some sense of fulfillment that whenever you remember, it still sends shiver down your spine, the kind of happiness that makes you forget food, because it fills you up. Material wealth would not give us anything close to this. 

Factually, we tend to be more prone to depression than happiness. Ask the families of the Wall Street executives who committed suicide during the period of depression that gripped the global economy. Even with the depression, they were not in want, they were still millionaires as the case may be, the dwindling value of their stocks which hitherto gave them satisfaction when they were commanding attention on the stock exchange, was now a source of concern and depression for them, which on the long run led to their death. Why? They lived on a “theory of satisfaction” and not on “a theory of happiness”. 

So ultimately, their doom was near when their source of satisfaction hit the rocks. If money were to give great deal of joy, then the moneybags of our time should be the happiest of all. Have you ever wondered why it looks like the downtrodden are the seemingly happiest people on earth. No, No, No, don’t get me wrong, I am not against making a great deal of money. It is important we do, it is however disastrous when we look to derive our joy it or make it our source of security.

Your source of happiness might not necessarily be same as every other person, neither is it difficult for you to find out what gives you deep sense of happiness. When I was in the process of finding out what gave me true happiness, at some point, I thought it was video games; I later got to find out that when I play games to some extent, I get tired of it and would try looking for something else to do. At times, I felt it was money, friends or even family, but they did not fill me up, though they filled my happiness cup to a large extent, but the cup was always left half- full most times. I only got to know writing and speaking productively filled me more than anything else, whenever I do any of these two things, my joy knows no bound. Anything that makes you happy, would never appear monotonous to you, there would not at any point in time, even if it is for a second a secret wish to do something else. 

As long as you get tired of that thing making you happy, you do not have happiness yet, you are only getting satisfaction. Most times, in the world we live in, there is too much stress, not too good news or enough responsibility that makes one grumble and complain all day long, everyone is out there putting on forlorn looks, like the world is a place of all gloom, but I tell you in the midst of it all, there are people that are very happy.  You have to find your own place and source of happiness, by world order, you aren’t meant to be happy, you are probably surrounded by people, who don’t understand you, who misunderstand every move you make, believe me, it could be frustrating, I know that feeling.

There are many sides to the cube of happiness, it doesn’t deal with you alone being happy, it includes spreading happiness and putting smiles on the face of everyone that comes in contact with you. Have you ever thought of this? You are on your way to work or school in the morning; you beckon to a motorcycle rider, on getting to where you are standing, you do the unusual, and you greet the motorcyclist, “Good morning sir, how was your night? How is the family? What do you think would be his reaction? Definitely, he would answer you, but he would be in pleasant shock. Why? This set of people in our society are used to people who quarrel them, insult them, and a lot of them have had to take all these in good faith so as to be able to make ends meet. During a conversation with one of them, he made me understand that at times, he gets insult from someone not even as old as his first child, he however has no choice, but to bear it, and throughout that day he absorbs in pitiful thinking. 

Now, away from the norm, you do the unthinkable by showing you care, making him feel he is not disadvantaged to be an “okada” rider, throughout the journey, you chat him up, you alight and pay your fare, even adding extra tip and telling him words like “have a nice day sir and God bless you”; please tell me such a person would not be in high spirits throughout work that day, your words would always reverberate in his mind, which would serve as an extra incentive at work, and he ends up lucky enough to earn higher than he normally earn that day, he would attribute his luck to you. My friend, now I tell you that is true happiness. 

In your everyday journey in life, be a source of happiness, be an instrument of joy, you can never tell what kind words could do to anybody. It takes no effort in spreading happiness, but a lot more stress is put into creating strife and unhappiness. You want a paradise- like world where everyone is at peace? It starts from your own little corner and effort. At home, work, school, market, church, in the bus, anywhere, whatever mood you are in, SPREAD HAPPINESS.